My granddaughter, Darcie is the absolute love of my life. There is nothing I want more in this life than for that little girl to live the most happy, successful and fulfilled life possible. And there’s nothing I want more for me than to be the perfect grandmother to her.
So, for the past 3 years (the first 3 years of her life) I have been working to give her all she needs. Working to earn the money to pay for her school feels, and to save for her university and to buy a larger house where she can play in the woods and help me tend the chickens and the peacocks I intend to keep on the smallholding I intend to buy.
Now, clearly, these things all take money. So I need to work. And a lot of the time, that means long hours, and seven-day weeks. So there are some weeks where I don’t really have time to see Darcie because I’m working so hard to become the ideal grandma.
Stop right there!
Did you hear that? Did you see what I said? I don’t have time to spend with Darcie because I’m too busy becoming the perfect grandma.
It took me three years to see the madness of this. Three years of seeing less of my granddaughter so that I could see her more. Prioritising work over being a grandma so that I could be a grandma.
And then I saw it. There it was. The search. In the search to ‘be a better grandma’ I had ceased to be a grandma. And heres’ where it gets really interesting.
When I stopped the search, I saw the truth underneath – that ‘perfect grandmahood’ was already here! I could have it NOW. It was not to be found in some mythical time when I had a big house with chickens and a pond. It was here and now.
It was the darnedest thing:
I already had everything I was looking for.
Now, the significance of this might well be passing you by. And you are only likely to understand just what this feels like when you can see it in your own life. It will be a feeling, an experience, a realisation but without words or concepts or rational thought. But you will get it.
Everything we want is already here.